Your Health's Journal

If you are like many people, you probably think a lot about how others perceive you.
This is a normal reaction, as most people want to be liked by others. The problem is
when you start people pleasing so much that it affects your mental health, leading
to stress and anxiousness.

Stopping people-pleasing behavior can significantly reduce stress and lead to a more fulfilling life. Here are some tips to help you overcome to stop people-pleasing and
improve your mental focus.

1-Recognize Your Triggers

Identify situations or people that prompt your people-pleasing instincts. Understanding your triggers can help you anticipate and manage your responses.

2-Set Boundaries

Learn to define what is acceptable for you. Practice saying no to requests that don’t align with your values or that overextend you.

3-Practice Self-Reflection

Regularly take time to reflect on your feelings and motivations. Assess whether your actions are driven by a desire to please others or if they genuinely resonate with your own needs and desires.

4-Communicate Assertively

Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs without aggression. For example, say, “I feel overwhelmed when asked to take on extra work” instead of blaming others.

5-Challenge Perfectionism

Understand that it’s okay to make mistakes or not meet everyone’s expectations. Set realistic standards for yourself.

6-Accept That Not Everyone Will Like You

This is probably the best way to stop people pleasing and benefit from it by reducing
your overall stress and anxiety levels. If you are a people pleaser, this probably comes
from wanting to make other people happy. This is often also related to wanting
everyone to like you. It is time to accept the fact that this may never happen, and even if
they do, is doing everything for everyone else the way? Start acknowledging that
everyone is different, and it’s okay if someone doesn’t like you. You should not be giving
up all your time and sanity just to force something that isn’t there.

7-Know You Have Choices

You should also start accepting the fact that you do have a choice in what you do or
don’t do. If someone asks you to host a party that you don’t have time for, don’t
offer to do it just because it will please other people. You always have a choice, and if
something is too much money, too time-consuming, or just requires more energy than
you have right now, politely decline the offer. There are nice, polite ways to say no, and
this is a skill you may need to learn.

8-Set Priorities

Identify your personal goals and priorities. This clarity will help you make decisions that align with your values rather than simply trying to appease others. If you find that you just don’t know how to balance everything, then your problem might not be that you just want everyone to like you, but that your people-pleasing has turned into a tricky balancing act. It’s okay to want to help others, but you can’t do everything all of the time. If this sounds familiar, then what you want to do is set priorities. Think about what others are asking of you or what you want to volunteer to do, and only choose the things that are top priority. Joining your son or daughter’s school’s PTA might be a higher priority than attending a weekend function.

9-Don’t Ignore the Bad Feelings

This is a good way to tell if your people-pleasing is causing you stress. Do you find that
when you spend time with certain people, you just get a bad feeling? Or that when they
call you, you know they’re going to ask for something, and you have that nervous
feeling in the pit of your stomach? These are negative feelings regarding someone who
might ask too much of you. This can be causing you stress and is a major red flag that
you need to cut back on your communications with this individual.

10-Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Build a network of friends and family who respect your boundaries and encourage you to prioritize yourself.

11-Practice Mindfulness

Engage in mindfulness or meditation practices to help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, allowing you to respond rather than react.

12-Seek Professional Help

If people-pleasing is deeply ingrained and causing significant distress, consider talking to a therapist who can provide guidance and strategies tailored to your situation.

13-Celebrate Small Wins

Acknowledge and celebrate instances where you asserted your needs or set boundaries. Recognizing progress can motivate you to continue.

By integrating these strategies into your daily routine, you can gradually reduce the habit of people pleasing and foster a greater sense of personal fulfillment and reduced stress.

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See you soon,

Ludmilla!